yeah i wasn't gonna make a post about something like this because i'm more of a private person and i don't like people knowing my personal thoughts (and i know eveyone and their mom reads xanga) but i'm tired of trying to explain to people my "circumstance" so what the heck...
i'm sick of church and i'm sick of church people. plain and simple.
for all you more complicated people:
church has become this unending repetitive cycle for me in which i go to church, watch all these church people worship and dance, listen to the message, eat lunch, socialize and then unending meetings until time to go home. for me, it has become more of a forced activity than a learning experience. i'm tired of "repenting" and then sinning again, i'm tired of saying that i'm a christian when clearly my life outside of sundays reflect otherwise and i'm tired of being fake at church. don't get me wrong, i still believe in God but guess what? so does the devil....
i'm so tired of seeing some of worship leaders act like they're so much better than everyone else with their musical abilities. it sickens me sometimes to think that everyone at church idolizes them and compliments and listens to everything they say cuz they're so cool and so "perfect"... when was the last time they said hi to someone new? i know i'm guilty of not being the most welcoming person but seriously don't preach to me and others about being so "holy" when there are dozens of newcomers that come and go every week just becuase they have no one to talk to. i hate how church people think they're better than everyone else, stuck in their church bubble with their church friends listening to their christian music. WHY ARE YOU IN YOUR CHURCH BUBBLE?!? aren't we supposed to go to the nations and tell ppl about Jesus? please do NOT lecture me about anything unless you've told all your nonchristian friends about what makes you different. christians i believe should STAND OUT. they're the LIGHT and SALT of the world. but thats not even the worse part... i HATE christians that judge. we already have the whole society judging, why is church no different? i KNOW that some people reading this are already judging me but i could care LESS. does it make you feel cool when you and your buddies gang up to talk about people? do you feel like you're a better person than them? why is it that when a brother and a sister spend more time together everyone has to talk about it and judge? why is it that girls shouldn't wear makeup? girls shouldn't dress a certain way? because it'll stumble the brothers? *rolls eyes* and why is dating such a taboo at church? i know that people have made commitments to nondating but it just ultimately causes secret relationships between guys and girls. i know that everyone at church has felt judged and gossipped about at one point and you all know how it feels so why are you in return gossipping and judging your fellow "brothers and sisters"? oh and my favorite one, why is everyone at church so nice to each other and when they go home, not even talking to their own family???
i've decided to take a break from church for a while. i will be there this sunday to support ruth when she speaks and maybe the following sunday for her birthday but other than that i will not be attending any church for some time. i am not asking for attention or pity blah blah but i just wanted to be honest and straightforward. i've been going to church all my life and i just feel that i need to really think if this is what i want. i need to need God. i'm sick of living my lukewarm christian life so i want to either be hot or nothing at all.
i have made some wonderful, lifelong friends at church that i love with all my heart. thank you guys for always being there. its the one thing that actually keeps me coming back to church so i can see your cute smiles and those heartfelt hugs.
for those that read through my entire entry, i'm sorry for being blunt and i'm sorry if i offended anyone. i'm GENERALIZING.. and i'm not talking about ALL church people, just some....
well goodbye and God bless. | 
He's.... perfect!
